Safe Inside: Struggling for Identity When No One Knows Who You Are

For years, everyone thought everything was fine. Mallory was a normal teenage girl with normal teenage troubles. She didn’t have many friends, but never went long without a boyfriend. Her mom did her best, but was nearly always at work. Her step dad had little to do with her when he was home, besides barking orders and assigning her chores. She was lost and lonely, but she would never let it show.

If you asked anyone who thought they knew her, they would say she was a strong, independent young lady. She was smart and stoic, a little shy, but no worse for the wear. No one knew she was dying inside. They didn’t see the scars or the fresh cuts each weekend. She hid them well. After three years, she learned the places to cut where no one would ask questions, not that they did, even when the wounds were left uncovered.

By 17 she had learned she was only safe inside herself. No one understood her pain. No one believed how alone, unwelcome at times, she was in her own home. To her family, she was a drama queen and just needed to calm down. By 20 years old, she had been through four men and even more boys, sexually. Her parents never would have guessed and certainly wouldn’t have approved. It wasn’t a life she was proud of living, but at least she was in fact living.

With the last guy, the cuts subsided and eventually stopped completely. They were replaced by new addictions. Her evenings were spent smoking pot and having sex. Weekends were filled with alcohol.But at some point, everything changed. She felt the need to get healthy and change those habits. She felt protective and she didn’t know why. She told Brandon she couldn’t be with him anymore because she knew she couldn’t marry him and raise a child in his lifestyle.

They parted ways and two months later, she found she was pregnant. Brandon wanted to get married, but she believed it wouldn’t be best for her child. They remained distant until the distance was nothing but a memory. He never met his child even. Mallory had a daughter who was very smart and beautiful. She raised her in church and instilled a love of God in her that was far from easy.

Her child was perfect, but did not cut the loneliness. At 24, she had two children and was still desperately lonely. Her mother demeaned her search for a husband and felt that she should focus on her children. Her father sat back quietly, as was typical of him.

She began to change her focus from a man to herself. She looked into different activities that she might be interested in. She soon discovered that all this time she was looking for something, she never once realized she was looking for herself. She dedicated herself to God. She began finding joy in art, crafts, photography, writing- things she had loved to do as a teenager and a child, but she had lost sight of when she got into the real world.

Once she had figured herself out, she found an amazing man. They were able to communicate in ways she never thought possible. While their relationship was far from perfect, she couldn’t have asked for more. Truthfully, if she hadn’t become so close to God and in turn, found who she truly was In Him, she never could have had such Joy!

God provides eternal peace that we can never find on our own. Mallory spent her life lost, running from God, because she thought He was too far removed to ease her loneliness. When she finally gave in and worked toward a meaningful relationship with the Lord, she found that, not only could He relieve the loneliness she felt Himself, but that He also provided her someone who could be there physically and support her and her children. 

How many of you are fighting God because you don’t know who YOU are? In Him, we can find our true identities as sons and daughters of Christ- sons and daughters who are perfect for the purpose He made us.

Teen Moms Like A Virgin

Tonight I was inspired by a blog, The Virgin Mary: A Christian Case for Respecting Teen Mothers <http://slutocracy.wordpress.com/2012/12/26/the-virgin-mary-a-christian-case-for-respecting-teenage-mothers/>

While I feel this blog was short, sweet, and to the point, I have another major point I could argue under the previous blog’s title. The point made in the original blog was sound. Christmas is a time of celebrating families, which includes young mothers and single mothers. It is brought up that teen mothers are “stigmatised” (SIC) by the most religious of all. While that is a valid point, I want to take the idea deeper into Christianity and our ideals, glorifying our God, not just making a point to man.

Beyond Mary being a young mother, beyond her being a mother at all, she was an imperfect human who was blessed directly by our Lord. Many of the American politicians who are so adamant that teen girls should not be mothers will also fight that abortion is NEVER permissible  They argue that any child that is conceived is a gift and a blessing from God. This is a blatant double standard.

Christmas is a time to celebrate God and His many blessings. I am a single mother and at Christmas, I feel empathy towards Mary. She must have been frightened and I am sure she felt judged. I imagine there were people telling her she shouldn’t be having a baby. I imagine there were feelings of doubt and fear in her mind. However, an angel of God told her she would bear a child and would name him Jesus.

The truth is two pink lines don’t speak a child into existence. A young girl making bad choices does not create life. Rape and molestation do not cause conception. Many women try to have babies for years and are unable. Many teens consistently have unprotected sex, but no pregnancies. Rapes occur without resulting in fetal development. Pregnancies can even last for months, in teen girls or grown women, without resulting in the delivery of a living infant. The absolute only thing that guides a sperm to fertilize an egg, the only thing that speaks life into an embryo, the only Being that has the power to see that little collection of cells into a full grown infant, ready to be born into the world, is God.

When we judge a teen mother or refuse to offer her the help and support she and her child need, and instead we damn and condemn her, we are judging God’s choices. We are putting down His creation. The Lord blesses those He so chooses with children for His reasons. We, as true Christians, need to see it is our duty to love and cherish every breathe of life the Lord breathes into existence. It is our responsibility to reach out as the hands and feet of Christ and give support. We shouldn’t stop judging because there were extenuating circumstances in which that girl didn’t sin. She did. Just as “All have sinned and come short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23) We should stop judging because that is where our right to be more Christlike ends. He is the only judge and He chose each and every mother as part of His perfect plan. It is our chore as Christians to pull these young women and sometimes men as well into the church to allow God to place peace and healing, strength and wisdom into them so their children may be better off.

In conclusion, I share a scripture from the Bible.

Psalm 127:3-5 Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb, a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate. 

Children are a heritage from the Lord. Even those that were not planned or conceived in the most appreciable manner are a gift from God. We need to treasure those gifts and help those they were given to take the best care possible of them.